"I want to punch a tree, break myself. Hurt myself.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
A long time.
I want to feel loved, love myself. Embrace myself.
I haven't felt that way in a long time.
A long time."
I'm hanging my own noose here. I'm punishing myself. I don't understand why! Why do I hate myself so much?!
Everything I do... every single God damn thing I do.... I regret. I drank that soda, I lost my daughter, I ate. I didn't take my medicine. I slept in. I couldn't sleep. I let myself love. I didn't let myself love. I want to cut. But I didn't cut. I went out on a limb. I fell. I tried. I didn't try hard enough.
I continuously fail myself. I fail my daughter.
No body in my family sees how hard I try. How much I kill myself. No body in general can help me. I want help. I want someone to completely genuinely understand. I want someone to talk to me, have all the right things to say.
I don't want to be so needy. I want to feel emotionally stable again. I want to UNDERSTAND MYSELF.
I want to disappear. Why is it so hard to become a good person?
Fuck.
I'll never have a chance.
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