"3 months tops..."

Apparently I'm such a failure, and no good person that I'll only last in Portland for 3 months. This is the support that I'm getting from my 'mother'. She's mad because she doesn't get to go see one of her many men, or possibly her best friend(with benefits), because my 'grandma' is making her babysit me with my daughter. They all think I'm a horrible mom that's not going to make it in life.

I'm lazy because I should be out having a temporary job before I go to Portland, even though one of the many things pushing me towards Portland is that I CAN'T get a job here in the valley. I don't have references, that I can rely on, or experience in anything but fast food. I put in SO many applications, and no call backs. Going to culinary school will show employers up there that I AM motivated and that I WANT to work in their family style restaurant.

I'm going to gossip and say that I think SHE'S lazy because she's been drawing unemployment since December, and she's been 'job hunting' here and there... online... when she feels like it.... and when she's not yelling at her kids or sleeping around with men. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM.

I told her that she's nothing but a bully. She is taking out her own insecurities on other people. Those other people just so happen to be her children. Which is unfortunate. She tells me that I'm not going to make it in life--- that's because she's 43(almost 44) and never made it. She's back at home living with Mom and Pop.
She yells at the son she has left(because our brother chose to go live with his father because he couldn't handle her yelling). None of us respect her, or want to associate with her. My brother that is still here says that he's only here because 'there's always some place worse' which is true. Just look at the family I ended up with when she gave me up for adoption when I was 10. I still say I would rather be with a family that is not my own that treats me like crap(such as my adoptive family) than to be here at 'home' with my own 'family' that treats me like crap.
This link is to my old blog, it will give you an idea of how I feel about my 'mom'. Keep in mind, it was written before I was getting back on track with God, but the base feelings are still the same.
http://pkmntrnrsabrina.xanga.com/749183678/dear-momrant/

I have a feeling that I'll be blogging A LOT until I leave.

Oh, something strange happened this morning... my grandpa actually asked me if I was okay. I think that's the first time he's ever inquired about my feelings. I was so shocked that he was talking to me that I didn't respond.
And he was all, 'Sabrina?'
And I said, 'Oh! You were talking to me?!'
And he said, 'yeah'.
All I could muster up to respond was, 'Yeah...I'm okay.'
I wish he'd ask more...

What is 'family' to you?
What are the components or ingredients, if you will, to make a house a home?
To make anywhere a home?