It's really starting to hit me, again. Moving, leaving my daughter.
Her step mom stopped by today to drop off Sammie's booster seat. She also brought over school clothes for Sammie to try on. I couldn't help but be extremely jealous.
I'm jealous that I'm not the one school shopping for Sammie, and I'm not going to be the one to drop Sammie off for her first day of school. I don't get to obsess, and take pictures, and do her hair, and swoon over her projects that she's going to be bringing home... I'll get to see her maybe once a month.
And knowing her father and step mom, they won't think to send me any projects or paintings or writing that Sammie does and learns how to do.
When I was pregnant with Sammie, we drove past an elementary school, and I started to cry just thinking about Sammie's first day of preschool. That was 4 1/2 years ago!
In the first sentence, I said it was starting to hit me, again. That's because the realization seems to come and go. One moment I feel ultra strong(emotionally) and that lasts for a week or so. Then something happens and I think about something with Sammie, or I just look at her, and I can't even bear the thought of leaving her.
I DON'T WANT TO! I want to kick and scream, and stay here... but I feel that if I do, staying here will be of the utmost consequence.
I think that I'm going where God is directing me. And that's the only thing that's making me feel like I'll be okay.
It WILL work out, it will be okay to be homeless. It will be worth it in the end FOR my daughter, to leave my daughter.
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